The French Fryar

I moved this blog to Tumblr.

2010-06-08T21:40:00.001-07:00

For the good of the fries: http://www.thefrenchfryar.com

And lastly, and awesome dude: Los Angeles Magician Magic Mike Jacobson

25 Degrees

2009-05-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

25 Degrees
Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel
7000 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Can we just sit back and take a moment to recognize the fact that all meals are greatly improved with fried goods of any kind? Seriously though. 8 words: French fry-encased hot dog on a stick. To some, nasty, to me, intriguing. Instead of making us reach down to take a break from eating the hot dog, on a stick (because that's not convenient enough), you get the best of both worlds in one bite. Technology these days. This has nothing to do with 25 degrees, I just wanted to celebrate fried foods.

25 Degrees is money in the french fry bank. Just had thyme & sea salt, but the simplicity really complemented my drunken desires very nicely.

Here are 4 random french fry attributes that I am rating these fries on. I won't average them out to get the final score. French fries should never be associated with math. Ever. I just felt like breaking it down.

Texture: 3.8
Seasoning: 4.2
Freshness: 3.1
Crispiness: 3.6

Ratings Scale
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Pike Bar & Fish Grill

2009-02-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

Pike Bar & Fish Grill
1836 E 4th St
Long Beach, CA 90802

If french frying was a sport, these would be definitely be mvp. If it was a video game, these would be Goldeneye 64. You get the point- they're clutch. There are times when you just need french fries/salted goods, and those times are generally after 11pm, 5-6 drinks in. That's when these work their magic. Simply seasoned with salt, they've got the crunch and the soft inners. As you can see, the chefs here use the Mitch Hedberg, "fuck it, slice 'em up" logic, which results in an awesome french fry/potato wedge/circle hybrid.

Ratings Scale
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Hal's Bar & Grill

2009-01-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

Hal's Bar & Grill
1349 Abbot Kinney Blvd
Venice, CA 90291

YYYyeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. French fries, made from real potatoes.
It's like In N' Out, but doesn't taste like potato chips/shit. These were a little limpy, even after asking for them well done, but I can see the potential. Super simple, but the oil they used gave it a great semi-unique flavor. I think that's when you know a fry is good, when having them limp still tastes great. On Sunday and Monday nights they also have great jazz after 9. French fries + jazz is a commendable combo. Hal's also offers, for like $2 extra, to add truffle oil to your fries. This in theory is very exciting (to me, and like 3-4 other people tops), but in reality is way too overbearing. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about adding fungi from the Langhe area of the Piedmont region in northern Italy that costs $1300-2700/pound (wikipedia ftw) to my fries, but it just doesn't taste that amazing after 2-3 fries. It's sort of like Gilbert Godfried, a person who is entertaining for 2 minutes tops.

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The Magic Castle

2008-11-14T13:26:00.000-08:00

Magic Castle

7001 Franklin Ave.

Los Angeles, CA 90028

No matter how you feel about regular fries vs. potato wedges, there is an undeniable wholesomeness to wedges. You get the crispiness of a french fry, more room for differentiation of spices, and the greatness of a baked potato.

As far as wedges goes, these are pretty high class. I mean they are private club potatoes. Then again, the only thing I really have to compare to this is the Von's/Gelson's/Ralph's semi-stale wedges that I don't even buy (just ask for samples when I'm hungry). Yeah, sampling is legit.

The seasoning was just spicy enough, and the wedges themselves had that perfect crispy outside/soft inside combo.

[Magic joke relating to french fries here..there are wayyy too many...definitely post any in the comments...best one gets some of my next french fries]

Ratings Scale

Luna Park

2008-11-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

Luna Park

672 S La Brea
Los Angeles, CA 90036

5 Hybrid potato-

7 Wedges are bomb but here too much

5 Salt saddens this guy.

Ratings Scale

EuroStation

2008-10-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

EuroStation
6081 Center Drive
Los Angeles, CA 90045

More like Euro Trash. OOOOOOooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sorry it was too easy.

These fries literally angered me into posting again. So in a way, thank you Euro Station for making some of the shittiest fries I've had in a long time.

Picture if you you/your mom (not your dad because he never takes the time to make fries) baked Ore-Ida fries but didn't cook them all the way (even after you asked her politely to cook them well done. Then picture your mom taking out those fries and leaving them on the counter by the window sill..overnight... Then the next day during lunch, you kindly ask for a chipotle chicken panini with avocado. Simple enough right? And you happen to notice that on the menu your mom wrote out for you, she advertises that she makes belgian style fries- complete with an option of about 30 different dipping sauces. At this point, you get excited. You remember the fries in Amsterdam, and the terrible dipping sauces a la mayo and extremely sub-par ketchup you had. Your mom then goes to the window and retrieves the fries she made one day prior, and proceeds to cook those fries in the microwave. You're now served those fries with 3 sub par dipping sauces that you selected (rosemary mayo, honey bbq, and weird melted cheese).

You thought you could trust her. But you'll never trust her again.

Ratings Scale

Canlis

2008-07-25T22:27:00.001-07:00

Canlis
2576 Aurora Ave N
Seattle, WA 98109

Many of the greatest thinkers of our day have spoken of these fries.

I believe it was Sisqo who said it best:

"This thing right here.
Is lettin' all the ladies know.
What guys talk about.
You know.
The finer things in life,
Hahaha.
Check it out."

So true, Sisqo, so true.

Or perhaps it was the underground group of philosophers known as the "N'Sync," who put it so eloquently in one of their most popular texts:

"You're all I ever wanted,
You're all I ever needed (yeAhhh),
So tell me what to do now 'cause, iiii IIIIII IIIIII IIIIIIII, I want you back."

Lastly, a good friend of mine once wrote:

"A na na na na na na nana,
Na na na na nana,
Gettin' jiggy wit it
Repeat 3x."

I won't post fries from other cities unless they're exquisitely delightful. These were just that. Pure amazing in a bowl. Their detectability ranking were off the f'n heezy. The picture says it all- look at that color, that fry placement, the shape of the bowl...it's just, beautiful. Sorry, I've got, uh...something in my eye... Not only were these fresh cut and well cooked, but they give you a good portion too and it's only $6 (which for the fifth most expensive restaurant in the US, isn't bad). They sprinkled them with a perfect amount of parsley and a very simple but lightly salty seasoning. But here's why they were so good- THEY FRIED THESE FRIES IN TRUFFLE OIL. Yes, the stuff that costs about $22 dollars for a couple ounces of it (yes, I checked). A lot of fancier restaurants say they have truffle fries- but most of them just spray them with truffle oil. These are FRIED in it. That's like, hundreds of dollars of oil, devoted to french fries. What more could you ask for? It gave it such an interestingly addictive taste that's almost impossible to forget. Maybe one day they'll base a video game on them. You know you'd play.

Ratings Scale

Wing Stop

2008-07-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

Wing Stop
2280 S Figueroa St.
Los Angeles, CA 90007

This the first official post of French Fryday. Every Friday (in theory) I'm going to post a new review, so get excited, and eat some fries. By the way, any time I can use alliteration on this blog, I will. In addition, I'll will also use puns whenever possible. They're generally the most effective method of communication.

I wanted to like these fries. I really did. Fries and wings go together like Mr. Rogers and his neighbors, pogs and slammers, Rosa Parks and busses, etc. It's funny because it's very apparent that the Wing Stop took some time into figuring out the best "authentic" tasting/looking frozen fries they could distribute to their thousands of franchises around the US. These fries come out looking like what, in theory, you'd picture fries would look like if you made them yourself at home- but in reality when you make them at home, it looks way different. These Wing Stop fries were well sized, a nice dark shade of gold, had a little bit of Russet potatoe skin left on the edges- a good idea in theory. They even give you a good portion too. To me they look so much like the epitome of a homemade french fry that it throws you off. Here's where Wing Stop fails like this dental clinic. They take a pretty good massively produced french fry and DOUSE it in french fry seasoning- basically like a more intense Lawry's seasoning. So it's like you're eating the seasoning and having a side of fries. Bastards. If there's one thing you leave this post thinking though- it's that dipping french fries in wing sauce is AWESOME. If this post is sort of boring, blame the Pabst.

If you have any reccomendations of excellent fries, let me know thefrenchfryar@gmail.com.

Ratings Scale

Gaby's Express

2008-07-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

Gaby's Express
3216 Washington Blvd

Marina del Rey, CA, 90292

Suprisingly ok. Restaurants that have "Express" in the name always turn me off (since uh, generally I'm turned on by good restaurant names...?). Since this restaurant name says nothing about the (pretty good) Greek & Mediterranean food they serve, it just makes me feel like Gaby is a female cleansing unit who loves herself more than her food. Gabster did take a little time in selecting fries for her express dining establishment though. They were average, but well cooked, and though not apparent in the picture, they had good golden shade to them. From what I remember, the seasoning seemed custom-made, but wasn't anything special. But you know why I'm glad G$ isn't my mom? She fucking used Hunt's ketchup. Come on, seriously. Everyone knows it's way too sweet...She thinks she's soooo clever, "lets put it in a squeeze bottle and no one will know." Well we all know, Gabbles. We all know.

Ratings Scale

Dodger Stadium

2008-06-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Dodger Stadium
1000 Elysian Park Ave.
Los Angeles, CA, 90012

These fries are almost as bad as the Dodgers are at life this season. Maybe there's a correlation. It's not even worth discussing. Now, I had the garlic fries, which may be a little different than the regular ones but I highly doubt it. Since it's a "staple" I figured why not. You know those little frozen garlic cubes from Trader Joe's? Well picture microwaved french fries smeared with a Top Valu Supermarket version of the melted frozen garlic cubes. They were horrible. Edible, but horrible. I got rumor though that Jason Schmidt is the cook, in which case it makes a lot more sense.

Ratings Scale

Cafe 50s

2008-06-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

Cafe 50s
11623 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA, 90025

These were like the KCET of fries- they have potential but were pretty damn boring. The words generic, dull, and Rob Schneider come to mind when eating these. I've had these a couple times and there's a couple problems. The first thing is they're consistently undercooked- floppy, flimsy, basically all in all wack city. And when you take frozen/ok fries, and don't cook them properly (without asking for them to be crispy) it comes out really bland. It's not that they taste that frozen, but they're just super bland. You need salt/ketchup/anything to make them average tasting. They do give you a decent sized portion though. However, if you go here desiring some potatoey goodness in rectangular form you're not totally out of luck. They're garlic fries very, very good. They give you a great portion, and generally, lots of fresh garlic and parsley. It's nothing ridiculously special, but it hits the spot- I really enjoy them. And if you like spicyness, their cajun fries (aka their regular fries that they sprinkle cajun spice on to) are actually pretty good too. Adding good stuff to bad fries for the win.

Ratings Scale

Upstairs 2

2008-05-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Upstairs 2

2311 Cotner Ave

Los Angeles, CA, 90064

(310) 231-0316

Pure excellence. Thank you Upstairs 2. I think I can speak for most people when I say that it is truly appreciated when a fancy restaurant takes the time to make quality french fries. For me, it not only legitimizes the restaurant, but the rest of my meal. These fries weren't just well made, they made me feel good on the inside...somewhere in between the greatness of fresh laundry and clean sheets. Chef Todd Barrie cooked them perfectly- nice and crispy with a uniquely fresh taste, some garlic and a sprinkle of parsley. It didn't come with Heinz ketchup though...Chef Barrie went above and beyond by pairing his fries with a really scrumptious house made ketchup. They complemented the fries perfectly. It gave us the perfect sweetness & cool down effect of Heinz while adding a little bit of a BBQ sauce kick. The portion of fries itself was not amazing, but it was meant as a tapas plate so that was to be expected. Seriously, this defines good frying- I was there with my British "We'd eat chips & salsa with a fork and knife" grandparents and they devoured them too. I believe this is also the only restaurant in LA that'll pair your fries with the perfect wine. Nice.

Ratings Scale

15

2008-05-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

1320 Echo Park Ave

Los Angeles, CA, 90026

(213) 481-0454

These fries were awesome. A great, crispy, fresh potato texture with an awesome unique twist: apart from their own seasoning, they sprinkled fresh lavender all over them. This is definitely a hit or miss taste- some people might be thrown off too much that their fries smell like bathroom soap or persian ice cream. Although I was actively thinking both of those while eating these fries, to me the lavender was an extremely good and refreshing touch. The fries were well cooked, well seasoned, and the portion was great. All around a great restaurant- check out the 15 @ 15 special, it was exquisitely delightful. Sorry about the blurry picture, I'll try to update it soon.

Ratings Scale

2-9 Café

2008-05-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

2-9 Café
2827 S Hoover St
Los Angeles, CA 90007
(213) 746-2929

It was one of those days where I was like, 55 cents more to add garlic? Blow the expense. I got the garlic fries, and, though my opinion of the fries themselves might have been swayed because of the garlic, I think they were good. Not great, but good. Garlic aside, they weren't really unique or anything, but they were the type of fries you can't come close to at home- your average restaurant fries. If you're sharing, then it's worth $4.50 to get the garlic fries. If not, the regular fries are only worth getting as a side dish (that comes with your meal). They had a good crunch, average fry texture, and a decent amount of salt and seasoning (though I feel like chefs tend to put more work into making sure garlic fries are legit). They garlic itself was great by the way, they gave us a ridiculous amount of fresh grated garlic and parsley. The chicken tenders were also pretty good.

Ratings Scale

Tony P's Dockside Grill

2008-05-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Tony P's Dockside Grill
4445 Admiralty Way

Marina Del Rey, CA, 90292

(310) 823-4534

For some reason I was excited about these and Mr. P really let me/the world down. These fries didn't taste like they were straight out of the box, but like that they took them out of a box yesterday and let them sit for a while, and then cooked them. They tasted a bit mealy in a "let's try to make it taste like real potato since they're really not" kind of way á la Burger King (but the King has pulled it off far better). I guess what they lack in french fries they make up in semi-sweet views of the Marina.

Ratings Scale

23rd Street Cafe

2008-05-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

23rd Street Cafe
936 W 23rd St

Los Angeles, CA, 90007

(213) 749-1593

These were just ok to goodish. I think they were surprised we ordered them since not only did it take far longer than our delicious breakfast burritos to make, but we got like 2 plates full. For the money, it was great. But in terms of taste, they were just your average everyday french fries, with a standard restaurant texture, and a healthy sprinkle of Lawry's Seasoned Salt (this made it good but obviously they didn't put much time or thought into the french fry creation process). Overall, if you have a bunch of people to share it with, maybe it's worth buying. If not, check out their hash browns, they're money.

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Langer's Deli

2008-05-20T23:34:00.001-07:00

Langer's Deli

704 S Alvarado St

Los Angeles, CA, 90057

(213) 483-8050

These crinkles brought back fond memories of french fries as a 5 year old because they tasted like the Ore-Ida ones my Mom made when I was little. These were a little better of course since, sadly, my Mom & Dad never invested in a deep fryer. They came out crispy- the cooked them well- but you could just tell they were out of a box. They just weren't anything special at all- we had to add salt and they were sort of an 'eh' addition to our meal. But, props to the ridiculously good pastrami sandwich.

Ratings Scale

The French Fry Rating Scale

2008-05-20T23:24:00.001-07:00

Taking into consideration freshness, uniqueness, quantity, value, and presentation, I'm going to rate french fries on a 5-tier scale;

This means that you should feel sorry for the poor, poor potato who waited its whole life to become cut up and fried with honor, and instead, was turned into a mushy, bland tasting french fry. It's not worth the calories let alone the space on your plate.

They're edible, but don't taste much better than the ones in the frozen aisle.

Nothing more than average. You're happy that they're in your stomach and you might have even eaten them all, but they're nothing spectacular. You ate them because you like the look of a clean plate. They're like the early work of Chagal (no idea if that reference actually makes any sense, I just thought of his name so I figured I'd reference him).

Pretty damn good fries. They're fairly unique, well prepared, amply seasoned and complement your meal nicely (or even make for a good appetizer). These are the kind of fries your 'high-class' British grandparents will actually eat and enjoy. The texture is good and the taste is great.

Five fries, if you will. The French Fryar loves these like a small child or cute puppy. These are the fries that are not only great tasting, but unique, fresh, and of course, come as a good sized portion. You don't fuck with these fries. They're like the cookie monster of fries. These fries once beat someone in Connect 4 in three moves. In a game of pogs, these fries didn't even need a slammer. You have this urge to not only clean your plate, but to order 1-2 portions more, maybe to take home even though you know fries aren't good leftovers (unless maybe you're hungover and they have chili & cheese on them). There are not many that can create fries that are this good, but those who do shall be praised immensely. A 5 doesn't necessarily mean they are the perfect fries, but they're pretty damn close.

The Search Begins...

2008-05-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

The French Fryar: In Pursuit of the Perfect French Fry

I've developed a love, or perhaps an obsession. Not that stalker kind of love, but the love that makes your mouth happy and your stomach full. It's not something that everyone gets, but those who do understand my mouth-watering feelings. I have a love for french fries. Crispy, salty, seasoney french fries. Those 20-40 slivers of potato (and/or other stuff) make people happy all over the world. If people could fry fast enough, they could probably stop wars. Think about this fact: growing up, 67% of kids prefer french fries over pizza, that's a lot.* French fried relations reach back as far as 1894 (and maybe even 1882), when O. Henry (the pen name for William Sydney Porter) in his book, 'Rolling Stones,' said that “Our countries are great friends. We have given you Lafayette and French fried potatoes” (probably referring to England). And he's right.

Two million tons of french fries are consumed each year, but only 600,004 tons are actually good tasting.* This needs to change. Or at least, we need to find these 600,004 tons and commend the fine men and women who concocted them. Some people go through their lives not knowing what's out there- for every Mastro's Steakhouse shoestring french fry, there's a ridiculous amount of Wendy'sesque "I put lots of salt on old potato stuff" fries. That's why I'm here. A friar is someone who is called to a life of service to a community. I will rate french fries near and far so that you don't have to waste anymore time or money on those fries which many have come to consider as less than perfect.

Perfection of course is debatable, but when it comes to french fries, we need to find "the one."

*most of my statistics are made up

Thanks for reading.
(Long story short, I'm going to rate french fries.
Some will be really shitty and some will be amazing but all will go into my stomach. Later on I'll be having guest writers, different fry categories (shoestring, steak, waffle, curly, etc.), and user ratings too. If you have any recommendations of fries or just ideas in general for the blog, definitely email me at thefrenchfryar@gmail.com. Thanks again.)

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